this beer tastes like vomit already
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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