So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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