At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The power of my boobs compel you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
