do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I love you. Go after that dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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