I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
