So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
