I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
