I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
