Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
