I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
