I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
