I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize