So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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