and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize