Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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