You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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