Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
