Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this will be a night to untag.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
