That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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