Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize