Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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