I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
