In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
