so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
