my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
