the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
