may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
