we're chasing vodka with high fives
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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