next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
