Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
