i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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