I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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