nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize