I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
