the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
