Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
