Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
