he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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