That's intense
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
