haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
