Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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