Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
