There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
