I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
