my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
