I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
