be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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