dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
MIDGETS
????
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
