That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
