I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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