Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
