you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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