I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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