so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Someone came in the potted fern
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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