Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
