she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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