You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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