Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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