I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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