third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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