I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The police scanner is talking about you again....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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