My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
