Rock
Scissors
Fuck
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
