you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
