She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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