he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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