how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
