did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
