so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
