I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
