This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
