Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
